The little misunderstanding about a girl was silly and awkward. I didn’t know how to talk to him, but we both know we’re okay. We accidentally looked at each other and I immediately looked away. He started doing the farting sound that he usually makes, cos he knew very well that I wont be able to keep myself from laughing or at least smiling. I looked at him like I was annoyed, but he smiled. We understood, we’re really okay already.
After lunch, we had to wear our ‘ball-like’ dresses for our exam in PE. I wore a guy’s polo and slacks cos i didn’t want to wear a dress. He borrowed a long gown from my classmate and tried to fit in it. I was laughing, and when he saw me, he grabbed me by the hand and we walked down the hallway like i was the man and he was the girl.
He would randomly ask if he can come to our ‘sari-sari store’ to help and just hang out, and of course my mom would always allow him. Everyone in the family knows him. He would fool around with me, as usual, and would always make me laugh.
He’d post videos in my profile unexpectedly, cos he knows I’d like it.
Last day. He hugged me, and I started crying. “kung nasasaktan kita.. sorry.. Pero kasi, ang complicated eh.” then i was left with a very confused face.
When I hugged my other friends, and we bumped into each other, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him for another hug. “sorry talaga, pero alam mo naman na ang komplikado lang talaga.”
I couldn’t say a word so I just nodded and left him where we understood our silence by that hug. We both know that silence was not something to be explained, though, I wish he would…
At the bus, i was standing when he looked at me and called me.. “uy tabi tayo ah?” said my other friend, and he suddenly looked away. When he passed by my seat i asked him, “bakit mo ko tinatawag?”, he smiled and shook his head.
I gave him a letter, and he gave me one too and smiled. Tears ran down my face. He didn’t hug me, but pushed me and we started another play-fight. He then did the farting sound with his hands again. I smiled.
We walked around, just like best friends.. “balak ko gumawa ng scrapbook eh.. Tapos andun un pictures Namin simula nung naging kami. Tapos may mga design..” “oh, e di un”, then i unconsciously became quiet. We went to mcdo and he grabbed a pen and a tissue paper and drew a light post and a tree beside each other that we saw where we were dropped off by the jeep. He said it was us. He then wrote “our name and the date today, and the words- best friend” and gave it to me. I looked at him as if I was annoyed. But we both laughed at the thought that we were really like what we saw…
It’s crazy how those two words can be both overwhelming and devastating to me. It’s insane how we both know that those two words can be more than that, but we chose not to.
I never forgot the words he said in the letter since I got it, but we never talked about it. I then remembered the day I read it and got stuck in the phrase “I have love for you.” I guess, loving someone doesn’t always mean that you can have them. And maybe sometimes, it’s not just about love. It’s also about knowing what’s right, and accepting what can’t be.