Detachment Issues

Detach (verb) – to separate or remove; to disengage; disconnect.

I didn’t know how to start this entry so I just placed the meaning/synonyms for the word ‘detach’. Those are my favorite definitions, too.

So anyway, we all get that feeling of being bonded to something or someone, or even to a lot of people, as if not having them around can trickle down your system or brainwaves and everything just wouldn’t feel right. Like they’re already part of your daily routine or probably some kind of a mantra that you can never live missing out on. It’s most likely cos of 1. they or it made you feel happy, 2. you’re paranoid about losing it/them when you don’t consistently have them around. And I guess that’s a natural thing when you consider them special to you. But there’s also this terrible part of getting attached quickly, getting too attached, and not knowing how to start detaching.

Yes, I am very much guilty of the three. I get attached quickly, too attached, and don’t know how to detach. It’s like a killer combo you could just wish you knew how to kill or at least get a hold of and kick in its nonexistent balls. You may think I’m being exaggerated about it but not really. Why would I even want to put myself in so much stress of dealing with it?

It’s actually pretty weird how I get attach easily. It’s probably in the way I give out trust. The thing with me is that with a little or simple act of kindness, I automatically trust people. It may not be a whole trust, but a part of me wouldn’t doubt that person anymore. Maybe a big part of me, that is. And getting too attached, is most likely a product of consistency and the mentality that I have, how someone who does you good, will always be good. That a part of them will always be good. Apparently, that mentality somehow keeps me from accepting the fact that people will always let you down at some point or another. I mean, why would you expect someone to do you wrong? Or is it just me who thinks that way?

And of course, detachment. Since I was born, I was given this little pillow that I hold on to at night until I was 20. No, I didn’t let go of it. They threw it away. It was my favorite comfort in times of sleeplessness, which is by the way, most of the time since who knows when, and when I’m feeling anxious. In a way, having to hold it gives me that sense of assurance that I have something I’m sure of. Something that I know is mine. Unlike the wind or the rain. You get the point.

So anyway, that whole pillow scenario kind of explains the detachment issue here. You get too used to something or someone and it just isn’t easy to get comfortable without them. Because it breaks the usual. That OC part of you tingles on how something is missing to where you’re used to. So, since it’s from getting used to something, then why not get used to not having it or them around, right? So you try, but there will always be that part of you that reminds you of what isn’t there and worse, how it felt when they were there.

So to speak in general on ‘detachment’, I believe that you can never really let something or someone go completely. You can carry on without them, but something will always be left behind. It may not be something you can get a hold of, but it will remain with you. Could be a memory of it, or how it made you feel. I am a very forgetful person at 21, but not with how something or someone had made me feel. I hardly forget them, really. For me, it isn’t even a bad thing.

Through it all and with how everything has this clear-cut fate of not having permanency, I can say I can move on and carry on. I, like everyone else, has got to get pass the stage of difficulty on letting go of that belief of having or even owning something to yourself, but eventually I can and will cope. I may not be permitted to forget, but I know its point is acceptance and moving along.

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