For four years in college, graduating was something I badly looked forward to. Also given the fact that our course, Mass Communication, in St. Scholastica’s College, never had that sense of “Mascom-portable” the way other people see it, passing is already something to be proud of.
Being sure whether we were going to graduate on time was a big suspense, that we were only sure of it a month or less before the graduation day. When it was already 100%, everyday felt like I was floating over everything. Not a bad thing kept me from feeling thankful and saying “well what do you know? I rocked my college life!” loud and proud, in my head. Everything was worth it and well paid off.
The graduation day would of course make a big mark on my life, but I wanted it to feel even better. All I had in mind was that the graduation day is a big closing to all the challenges and even troubles we’ve gone through.
Nevertheless, the graduation day itself just passed by and was a little less remarkable the way I thought it would be. But it was okay.
Because while I was sitting there, listening to the guest speaker and looking at our professors, my little ignorant self got slapped by the thought of “Congratulations! You’re now one of the million jobless fresh grads and you know what that means? Big competition!”.
That night, I already browsed for companies I wanted to apply to. The next day, I edited my resume and sent it to them.
The next days, I looked for other companies even those I’m not familiar with, and emailed them. The next week, I was like a mad lion devouring over all the companies that I think I can apply to and didn’t mind if they were far. I was panicking and getting overly paranoid every passing day that I don’t get phone calls or email invitation for interviews.
What happened next was, I got addicted with attending interviews. One interview in a day was just not enough, and I would always feel bad every after interview. I didn’t think of resting for a month or two. Having no interview in a day was enough rest for me.
But of course I finally found a job. At first it was all okay, until it had to test my faith and values. I believe God gave it to me to show me that there will be a lot more challenges in life and that includes keeping my faith stronger and holding on to my values whatever may happen or come. So I had to let it go and just take it as a lesson and as something to make me stronger. No regrets.
What a start, yes? Never imagined leaving a job in such a short time. And people were all like, “you resigned already? what? why?” and a few may also be laughing. Of course they don’t know the whole thing and I really don’t care how people would react. All I know is that I did the right thing because I asked for guidance and I am happy with what I chose.
Right now on my second job which was given to me exactly a week after I resigned from my first, I’m not gonna lie that I am still confused. No, more like, still searching.
I am happy with my current job since I always get to learn new things every single day, and I’d like to give emphasis on that. I get to meet new people and know their differences with their perspectives and attitude. I get to test my patience, understanding and humility. And of course, this job gives me the chance to help those I’ve longed to help ever since, in the least way I can do as of now. Everyday on the field may be too risky for someone so ignorant with the streets like myself, but at least I get to experience it. Besides, I have my co-worker/friends with me and I know someone’s watching over me.
To be downright honest, I am still lost, still finding my way, and still searching.
Like what I read in the book North of Beautiful, “getting lost is just another way of saying ‘going exploring’.”(which by the way, I believe I’ve decided to read on such a right time. I highly recommend the book.)
When I look through my goals and motivations, I just can’t say which I would want to accomplish first or focus on, because there’s just a lot. And right now, I am still ‘going exploring’.
I am not ashamed to feel this way, besides, I’m still young and I still have a lot to go through. A lot may have found their dream jobs or are very much contented with what they have or on where they already are on such a young age, and I’m glad for them. But as for me, I believe I am fated to feel this way and be in this situation, to have the chance to do more and the things I wanted to do, little by little. I believe I am not wasting any time. Everyday is a lesson, and I always make sure I learn from them.
So as for marching, it goes on. It has to go on.
(August 20, 2013)