*Letter intended at the start of 2013, written April 11, 2013, sent June 23, 2013.
I am a person who would always write to either a start or an end of something I put importance on.
This, is a letter for both, but without any agenda to oblige someone of something.
This is a letter intended to let myself say what I have to say.
I am that honest.
And I am very honest to the person, who I dedicate this letter to.
Well first of all, I want to say that I miss you. So much. So much that I get those moments where I wish you were there with me cos I know it’ll be so much better.
So, I know this isn’t unusual to you anymore since I’ve done this before. And this is, again, for the sake of you knowing and just so I wont regret not saying it. : )
Again, this isn’t to make you feel oblige to reply or feel the same way. Whatever happens, I don’t want our friendship to end. That, is already enough. Just, stay there. Hahaha
Who would’ve thought that it’s possible to love someone for more than 6 years even when you aren’t or haven’t been in a relationship? I know, it’s insane. But I attest to that.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally fine with what I feel. I mean of course the ‘longing’ part is inevitable and it does get a little too far sometimes, but I’m okay with it. It wouldn’t go up until now if I didn’t get the hang of it. :p I just do.
Yes, I still have love for you, bestfriend.
And it’s not cos there’s no other guys who were there and all, cos there was. There is. It’s just that,they’re not like you. They weren’t able to make me feel the way you did when I’m with you, even when all we did was make fun of stuff and tease each other.
Everything with you was just enough. No one ever made me feel so comfortable and safe and contented the way you did so effortlessly. And I thank you for that. : )
I’m quite proud of myself, cos I still found myself in the same place where I was years back. Never changed, never left. : )
A lot had happen to me already and a lot has changed, but not this. In a way, you’ve become my savior. Everytime I get to the point where I’m about to fall for someone who I’m not really sure of with, you just seem to pop out of my mind then I’m back to you again.
And it makes sense. Cos they were never really someone who’d make me as happy as much as you do. Or no one ever exceeded your ability on doing that. :p I know you never even tried to make a move and all cos I don’t know, probably cos there’s nothing really there for you between us? But I’m already fine having you as my bestfriend/shpain/cliff. Not losing you as a friend is my consolation prize from all this. ; p
Remember when I pm-ed you in FB before cos I was getting all stressed in school? Cos that’s all I needed at that time. You always seem to just make me feel alright. A simple chat, tweet or post of song in my wall can already shift me back to my sanity whenever I’m losing it. You’ve already become my living happy pill. Or anti-depressant, for that matter. Haha
And I’m very thankful for having you around.
I know this is ironic since you’re an atheist, but I know and I thank God for giving you to me. It’s insane having someone who doesn’t believe in Him, as someone who makes my faith stronger. We may not like the same things, or I may not have the passion to everything that floats your boat or whatever, but I will never get tired of listening to you. : ) and I don’t know. This may be overrated, but seeing you happy is already enough and it makes me feel the same way.
This is platonic, and they say it isn’t really healthy. Of course I know I should get something back, but I know it’s not something to force. Right now (and ever since), I’m just okay with this. I mean remembering everything with you, (which is really weird cos I remember everything like it always all just happened last month or something) can already make me feel better. Like what I always tell my friends who knows (by friends, I mean almost everyone. I’m that proud haha), I’m okay. If nothing comes between us, I will, or I’m actually just waiting for someone who’ll love me as much or much more than the way I love you. I guess that’s the only way I’d be able to move on from you. : p
But hey, I’m okay. We’re okay. I’ve never taken it against you anyway and it’s not your fault. Maybe my God’s just preparing me, or preserving me from all the wrong ones -through you. Maybe He’s just letting me know that I am capable of loving someone this way. : )