(April 26, 2011)
Sometimes living is like walking in pavements. Some may get a little bumpy or we get tripped by cracks every now and then, or we would feel like there’s no point in going any further because you don’t even know where it really leads you, but there’s always gotta be something good while we’re in it. You get to look beyond just the pavement and appreciate what’s out there for everyone even by just sight seeing or stopping by, and in times, you’d see flowers on sidewalk cracks, which you call real friends. :)
Lately I’ve been in my most weird mood. Feeling happy, then all of a sudden would just cry out of frustrations or dismay. It made me want to feel numb from all the things that could get me sad, or even those that can make me feel good, cos I know, having it to end will eventually make me feel sad again.
But then I realized that the world’s too big to be occupied by just me and feel too lonely. I knew I wasn’t alone and I’m too grateful to see people who cared enough and tried to make me feel better. I had to admit I tried holding back everything and keep it just to myself, well actually, it’s always been that way, because I don’t want them to get affected with what I’m feeling, or I don’t want them to get involved with any situation I’m in. I told this to few of my good friends, and they thought it wasn’t right. I know it wasn’t. but I guess that’s just what I’m used to. They told me I was being too hard on myself and that they’re losing their part as “friends” when I decide to just keep it to myself.
So I guess they were right. I am being too hard on myself. I was too concern with others and had already forgotten myself. It made me realize that caring for others is not enough and will eventually be very hard when you have nothing left for yourself. You will end up giving what’s not right anymore and you wouldn’t even notice it because you’re all torn and tired cos of being so selfless or careless with yourself.